Война и мир

Chapter 12

           AndsherecalledinallitsdetailthenightatBaldHillsbeforehehadthelaststroke,whenwithaforebodingofdisastershehadremainedathomeagainsthiswill.Shehadnotsleptandhadstolendownstairsontiptoe,andgoingtothedooroftheconservatorywherehesleptthatnighthadlistenedatthedoor.InasufferingandwearyvoicehewassayingsomethingtoTíkhon,speakingoftheCrimeaanditswarmnightsandoftheEmpress.Evidentlyhehadwantedtotalk.“Andwhydidn’thecallme?Whydidn’theletmebethereinsteadofTíkhon?”PrincessMaryhadthoughtandthoughtagainnow.“Nowhewillnevertellanyonewhathehadinhissoul.Neverwillthatmomentreturnforhimorformewhenhemighthavesaidallhelongedtosay,andnotTíkhonbutImighthaveheardandunderstoodhim.Whydidn’tIentertheroom?”shethought.“Perhapshewouldthenhavesaidtomewhathesaidthedayhedied.WhiletalkingtoTíkhonheaskedaboutmetwice.Hewantedtoseeme,andIwasstandingcloseby,outsidethedoor.ItwassadandpainfulforhimtotalktoTíkhonwhodidnotunderstandhim.IrememberhowhebeganspeakingtohimaboutLiseasifshewerealive—hehadforgottenshewasdead—andTíkhonremindedhimthatshewasnomore,andheshouted,‘Fool!’Hewasgreatlydepressed.FrombehindthedoorIheardhowhelaydownonhisbedgroaningandloudlyexclaimed,‘MyGod!’Whydidn’tIgointhen?Whatcouldhehavedonetome?WhatcouldIhavelost?Andperhapshewouldthenhavebeencomfortedandwouldhavesaidthatwordtome

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