Анна Каренина

Chapter 15

           AttheveryinstanthewasgoingawayIwouldhaveturnedhimbackandtoldhim,butIchangedmymind,becauseitwasstrangethatIhadnottoldhimthefirstminute.WhywasitIwantedtotellhimanddidnottellhim?”Andinanswertothisquestionaburningblushofshamespreadoverherface.Sheknewwhathadkeptherfromit,sheknewthatshehadbeenashamed.Herposition,whichhadseemedtohersimplifiedthenightbefore,suddenlystruckhernowasnotonlynotsimple,butasabsolutelyhopeless.Shefeltterrifiedatthedisgrace,ofwhichshehadnoteverthoughtbefore.Directlyshethoughtofwhatherhusbandwoulddo,themostterribleideascametohermind.Shehadavisionofbeingturnedoutofthehouse,ofhershamebeingproclaimedtoalltheworld.Sheaskedherselfwheresheshouldgowhenshewasturnedoutofthehouse,andshecouldnotfindananswer.

           WhenshethoughtofVronsky,itseemedtoherthathedidnotloveher,thathewasalreadybeginningtobetiredofher,thatshecouldnotofferherselftohim,andshefeltbitteragainsthimforit.Itseemedtoherthatthewordsthatshehadspokentoherhusband,andhadcontinuallyrepeatedinherimagination,shehadsaidtoeveryone,andeveryonehadheardthem.Shecouldnotbringherselftolookthoseofherownhouseholdintheface.Shecouldnotbringherselftocallhermaid,andstilllessgodownstairsandseehersonandhisgoverness.

           Themaid,whohadbeenlisteningatherdoorforalongwhile,cameintoherroomofherownaccord.Annaglancedinquiringlyintoherface,andblushedwithascaredlook.

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