Chapter 12

           

           Aftertakingleaveofherguests,Annadidnotsitdown,butbeganwalkingupanddowntheroom.ShehadunconsciouslythewholeeveningdoneherutmosttoarouseinLevinafeelingofloveasoflateshehadfallenintodoingwithallyoungmenandsheknewshehadattainedheraim,asfaraswaspossibleinoneevening,withamarriedandconscientiousman.Shelikedhimindeedextremely,and,inspiteofthestrikingdifference,fromthemasculinepointofview,betweenVronskyandLevin,asawomanshesawsomethingtheyhadincommon,whichhadmadeKittyabletoloveboth.Yetassoonashewasoutoftheroom,sheceasedtothinkofhim.

           Onethought,andoneonly,pursuedherindifferentforms,andrefusedtobeshakenoff.“IfIhavesomucheffectonothers,onthisman,wholoveshishomeandhiswife,whyisitheissocoldtome?...notcoldexactly,helovesme,Iknowthat!Butsomethingnewisdrawingusapartnow.Whywasn’theherealltheevening?HetoldStivatosayhecouldnotleaveYashvin,andmustwatchoverhisplay.IsYashvinachild?Butsupposingit’strue.Henevertellsalie.Butthere’ssomethingelseinitifit’strue.Heisgladofanopportunityofshowingmethathehasotherduties;Iknowthat,Isubmittothat.Butwhyprovethattome?Hewantstoshowmethathisloveformeisnottointerferewithhisfreedom.ButIneednoproofs,Ineedlove.HeoughttounderstandallthebitternessofthislifeformehereinMoscow.Isthislife?Iamnotliving,butwaitingforanevent,whichiscontinuallyputoffandputoff.

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