Ешь, молись, люби

Chapter 96

           Atonetimeinhistory,ifamanhadbeenmysuitor,myfathermighthavesatthatmandownwithalonglistofquestionstoestablishwhetherthiswouldbeanappropriatematch.Hewouldhavewantedtoknow,"Howwillyouprovideformydaughter?Whatisyourreputationinthiscommunity?Howisyourhealth?Wherewillyoutakehertolive?Whatareyourdebtsandyourassets?Whatarethestrengthsofyourcharacter?"MyfatherwouldnothavejustgivenmeawayinmarriagetoanybodyforthemerefactthatIwasinlovewiththefellow.Butinmodernlife,whenImadethedecisiontomarry,mymodernfatherdidn’tbecomeinvolvedatall.Hewouldhavenomoreinterferedwiththatdecisionthanhewouldhavetoldmehowtostylemyhair.

           Ihavenonostalgiaforthepatriarchy,pleasebelieveme.ButwhatIhavecometorealizeisthat,whenthatpatriarchicsystemwas(rightfully)dismantled,itwasnotnecessarilyreplacedbyanotherformofprotection.WhatImeanis-Ineverthoughttoaskasuitorthesamechallengingquestionsmyfathermighthaveaskedhim,inadifferentage.Ihavegivenmyselfawayinlovemanytimes,merelyforthesakeoflove.AndI’vegivenawaythefarmsometimesinthatprocess.IfIamtotrulybecomeanautonomouswoman,thenImusttakeoverthatroleofbeingmyownguardian.Famously,GloriaSteinemonceadvisedwomenthattheyshouldstrivetobecomelikethementheyhadalwayswantedtomarry.WhatI’veonlyrecentlyrealizedisthatInotonlyhavetobecomemyownhusband,butIneedtobemyownfather,too.AndthisiswhyIsentmyselftobedthatnightalone.

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