Chapter 17

           

           I’dstoppedtakingmymedicationonlyafewdaysearlier.IthadjustseemedcrazytobetakingantidepressantsinItaly.HowcouldIbedepressedhere?

           I’dneverwantedtobeonthemedicationinthefirstplace.I’dfoughttakingitforsolong,mainlybecauseofalonglistofpersonalobjections(e.g.:Americansareovermedicated;wedon’tknowthelong-termeffectsofthisstuffyetonthehumanbrain;it’sacrimethatevenAmericanchildrenareonantidepressantsthesedays;wearetreatingthesymptomsandnotthecausesofanationalmentalhealthemergency…).Still,duringthelastfewyearsofmylife,therewasnoquestionthatIwasingravetroubleandthatthistroublewasnotliftingquickly.AsmymarriagedissolvedandmydramawithDavidevolved,I’dcometohaveallthesymptomsofamajordepression-lossofsleep,appetiteandlibido,uncontrollableweeping,chronicbackachesandstomachaches,alienationanddespair,troubleconcentratingonwork,inabilitytoevengetupsetthattheRepublicanshadjuststolenapresidentialelection…itwentonandon.

           Whenyou’relostinthosewoods,itsometimestakesyouawhiletorealizethatyouarelost.Forthelongesttime,youcanconvinceyourselfthatyou’vejustwanderedafewfeetoffthepath,thatyou’llfindyourwaybacktothetrailheadanymomentnow.Thennightfallsagainandagain,andyoustillhavenoideawhereyouare,andit’stimetoadmitthatyouhavebewilderedyourselfsofaroffthepaththatyoudon’tevenknowfromwhichdirectionthesunrisesanymore.

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