Chapter 13

           

           Truthfully,I’mnotthebesttravelerintheworld.

           IknowthisbecauseI’vetraveledalotandI’vemetpeoplewhoaregreatatit.Realnaturals.I’vemettravelerswhoaresophysicallysturdytheycoulddrinkashoeboxofwaterfromaCalcuttagutterandnevergetsick.Peoplewhocanpickupnewlanguageswhereothersofusmightonlypickupinfectiousdiseases.Peoplewhoknowhowtostanddownathreateningborderguardorcajoleanuncooperativebureaucratatthevisaoffice.Peoplewhoaretherightheightandcomplexionthattheykindoflookhalfwaynormalwherevertheygo-inTurkeytheyjustmightbeTurks,inMexicotheyaresuddenlyMexican,inSpaintheycouldbemistakenforaBasque,inNorthernAfricatheycansometimespassforArab…

           Idon’thavethesequalities.Firstoff,Idon’tblend.Tallandblondandpink-complexioned,Iamlessachameleonthanaflamingo.EverywhereIgobutDusseldorf,Istandoutgarishly.WhenIwasinChina,womenusedtocomeuptomeonthestreetandpointmeouttotheirchildrenasthoughIweresomeescapedzooanimal.Andtheirchildren-whohadneverseenanythingquitelikethispink-facedyellow-headedphantomperson-wouldoftenburstintotearsatthesightofme.IreallyhatedthataboutChina.

           I’mbad(or,rather,lazy)atresearchingaplacebeforeItravel,tendingjusttoshowupandseewhathappens.Whenyoutravelthisway,whattypically"happens"isthatyouendupspendingalotoftimestandinginthemiddleofthetrainstationfeelingconfused,ordroppingwaytoomuchmoneyonhotelsbecauseyoudon’tknowbetter.

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