Chapter 9

           

           Now,I’mthekindofpersonwho,whenaninth-generationIndonesianmedicinemantellsyouthatyou’redestinedtomovetoBaliandlivewithhimforfourmonths,thinksyoushouldmakeeveryefforttodothat.Andthis,finally,washowmywholeideaaboutthisyearoftravelingbegantogel.IabsolutelyneededtogetmyselfbacktoIndonesiasomehow,onmyowndimethistime.Thiswasevident.ThoughIcouldn’tyetimaginehowtodoit,givenmychaoticanddisturbedlife.(NotonlydidIstillhaveapriceydivorcetosettle,andDavid-troubles,Istillhadamagazinejobthatpreventedmefromgoinganywhereforthreeorfourmonthsatatime.)ButIhadtogetbackthere.Didn’tI?Hadn’theforetoldit?Problemwas,IalsowantedtogotoIndia,tovisitmyGuru’sAshram,andgoingtoIndiaisanexpensiveandtime-consumingaffair,also.Tomakemattersevenmoreconfusing,I’dalsobeendyinglatelytogetovertoItaly,soIcouldpracticespeakingItalianincontext,butalsobecauseIwasdrawntotheideaoflivingforawhileinaculturewherepleasureandbeautyarerevered.

           Allthesedesiresseemedtobeatoddswithoneanother.EspeciallytheItaly/Indiaconflict.Whatwasmoreimportant?ThepartofmethatwantedtoeatvealinVenice?OrthepartofmethatwantedtobewakinguplongbeforedawnintheausterityofanAshramtobeginalongdayofmeditationandprayer?ThegreatSufipoetandphilosopherRumionceadvisedhisstudentstowritedownthethreethingstheymostwantedinlife.

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