Chapter 30

           

           Iamsosurprisedsometimestonoticethatmysisterisawifeandamother,andIamnot.SomehowIalwaysthoughtitwouldbetheopposite.Ithoughtitwouldbemewhowouldendupwithahousefulofmuddybootsandholleringkids,whileCatherinewouldbelivingbyherself,asoloact,readingaloneatnightinherbed.Wegrewupintodifferentadultsthananyonemighthaveforetoldwhenwewerechildren.It’sbetterthisway,though,Ithink.Againstallpredictions,we’veeachcreatedlivesthattallywithus.Hersolitarynaturemeanssheneedsafamilytokeepherfromloneliness;mygregariousnaturemeansIwillneverhavetoworryaboutbeingalone,evenwhenIamsingle.I’mhappythatshe’sgoingbackhometoherfamilyandalsohappythatIhaveanotherninemonthsoftravelingaheadofme,whereallIhavetodoiseatandreadandprayandwrite.

           Istillcan’tsaywhetherIwilleverwantchildren.IwassoastonishedtofindthatIdidnotwantthematthirty;theremembranceofthatsurprisecautionsmeagainstplacinganybetsonhowIwillfeelatforty.IcanonlysayhowIfeelnow-gratefultobeonmyown.IalsoknowthatIwon’tgoforthandhavechildrenjustincaseImightregretmissingitlaterinlife;Idon’tthinkthisisastrongenoughmotivationtobringmorebabiesontotheearth.ThoughIsupposepeopledoreproducesometimesforthatreason-forinsuranceagainstlaterregret.

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