Chapter 60

           

           RichardfromTexaswasmarriedonce,too.Hehadtwosons,bothofwhomaregrownmennow,bothclosetotheirdad.SometimesRichardmentionshisex-wifeinsomeanecdoteorother,andhealwaysseemstospeakofherwithfondness.IgetabitenviouswheneverIhearthis,imagininghowluckyRichardistostillbefriendswithhisformerspouse,evenafterseparating.Thisisanoddsideeffectofmyterribledivorce;wheneverIhearofcouplessplittingamicably,Igetjealous.It’sworsethanthat-I’veactuallycometothinkthatit’sreallyromanticwhenamarriageendscivilly.Like,"Aw…howsweet…theymust’vereallylovedeachother…"

           SoIaskedRichardonedayaboutit.Isaid,"Itseemslikeyouhavefondfeelingstowardyourex-wife.Areyoutwostillclose?"

           "Nah,"hesaidcasually."ShethinksIchangedmynametoMotherfucker."

           Richard’slackofconcernaboutthisimpressedme.Myownex-spousehappenstothinkIchangedmynametoo,anditbreaksmyheart.Oneofthehardestthingsaboutthisdivorcewasthefactthatmyex-husbandneverforgavemeforleaving,thatitdidn’tmatterhowmanybushelsofapologiesorexplanationsIlaidathisfeet,howmuchblameIassumed,orhowmanyassetsoractsofcontritionIwaswillingtoofferhiminexchangefordeparting-hecertainlywasnevergoingtocongratulatemeandsay,"Hey,IwassoimpressedwithyourgenerosityandhonestyandIjustwanttotellyouit’sbeenagreatpleasurebeingdivorcedbyyou."No.Iwasunredeemable.Andthisunredeemeddarkholewasstillinsideme.

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