Chapter 64

           

           ThiswassoobviouslyanotheroneofSwamiji’sjokes.

           YouwantedtobeTheQuietGirlintheBackoftheTemple?Well,guesswhat…

           ButthisiswhatalwayshappensattheAshram.Youmakesomebiggrandiosedecisionaboutwhatyouneedtodo,orwhoyouneedtobe,andthencircumstancesarisethatimmediatelyrevealtoyouhowlittleyouunderstoodaboutyourself.Idon’tknowhowmanytimesSwamijisaiditduringhislifetime,andIdon’tknowhowmanymoretimesmyGuruhasrepeateditsincehisdeath,butitseemsIhavenotquiteyetabsorbedthetruthoftheirmostinsistentstatement:

           "Goddwellswithinyou,asyou."

           ASyou.

           IfthereisoneholytruthofthisYoga,thatlineencapsulatesit.Goddwellswithinyouasyouyourself,exactlythewayyouare.Godisn’tinterestedinwatchingyouenactsomeperformanceofpersonalityinordertocomplywithsomecrackpotnotionyouhaveabouthowaspiritualpersonlooksorbehaves.Weallseemtogetthisideathat,inordertobesacred,wehavetomakesomemassive,dramaticchangeofcharacter,thatwehavetorenounceourindividuality.ThisisaclassicexampleofwhattheycallintheEast"wrong-thinking."Swamijiusedtosaythateverydayrenunciantsfindsomethingnewtorenounce,butitisusuallydepression,notpeace,thattheyattain.Constantlyhewasteachingthatausterityandrenunciation-justfortheirownsake-arenotwhatyouneed.ToknowGod,youneedonlytorenounceonething-yoursenseofdivisionfromGod.Otherwise,juststayasyouweremade,withinyournaturalcharacter.

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