Chapter 45

           

           Goingintothatmeditationcaveeverydayissupposedtobethistimeofdivinecommunion,butI’vebeenwalkingintherelatelyflinchingthewaymydogusedtoflinchwhenshewalkedintothevet’soffice(knowingthatnomatterhowfriendlyeverybodymightbeactingnow,thiswholethingwasgoingtoendwithasharppokewithamedicalinstrument).ButaftermylastconversationwithRichardfromTexas,I’mtryinganewapproachthismorning.IsitdowntomeditateandIsaytomymind,"Listen-Iunderstandyou’realittlefrightened.ButIpromise,I’mnottryingtoannihilateyou.I’mjusttryingtogiveyouaplacetorest.Iloveyou."

           Theotherdayamonktoldme,"Therestingplaceofthemindistheheart.Theonlythingthemindhearsalldayisclangingbellsandnoiseandargument,andallitwantsisquietude.Theonlyplacethemindwilleverfindpeaceisinsidethesilenceoftheheart.That’swhereyouneedtogo."

           I’mtryingadifferentmantra,too.It’soneI’vehadluckwithinthepast.It’ssimple,justtwosyllables:

           Ham-sa.

           InSanskrititmeans"IamThat."

           TheYogissaythatHam-saisthemostnaturalmantra,theoneweareallgivenbyGodbeforebirth.Itisthesoundofourownbreath.Hamontheinhale,saontheexhale.(Ham,bytheway,ispronouncedsoftly,openly,likehahhhm,notlikethemeatyouputonasandwich.Andsarhymeswith"Ahhhh…")Aslongaswelive,everytimewebreatheinorout,wearerepeatingthismantra.IamThat.

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