Chapter 22

           

           OneobvioustopicstillneedstobeaddressedconcerningmywholepursuitofpleasurethinginItaly:Whataboutsex?

           Toanswerthatquestionsimply:Idon’twanttohaveanywhileI’mhere.

           Toansweritmorethoroughlyandhonestly-ofcourse,sometimesIdodesperatelywanttohavesome,butI’vedecidedtositthisparticulargameoutforawhile.Idon’twanttogetinvolvedwithanybody.OfcourseIdomissbeingkissedbecauseIlovekissing.(IcomplainaboutthissomuchtoSofiethattheotherdayshefinallysaidinexasperation,"ForGod’ssake,Liz-ifitgetsbadenough,I’llkissyou.")ButI’mnotgoingtodoanythingaboutitfornow.WhenIgetlonelythesedays,Ithink:Sobelonely,Liz.Learnyourwayaroundloneliness.Makeamapofit.Sitwithit,foronceinyourlife.Welcometothehumanexperience.Butneveragainuseanotherperson’sbodyoremotionsasascratchingpostforyourownunfulfilledyearnings.

           It’sakindofemergencylife-savingpolicy,morethananythingelse.Igotstartedearlyinlifewiththepursuitofsexualandromanticpleasure.IbarelyhadanadolescencebeforeIhadmyfirstboyfriend,andIhaveconsistentlyhadaboyoraman(orsometimesboth)inmylifeeversinceIwasfifteenyearsold.Thatwas-oh,let’ssee-aboutnineteenyearsago,now.That’salmosttwosoliddecadesIhavebeenentwinedinsomekindofdramawithsomekindofguy.Eachoverlappingthenext,withneversomuchasaweek’sbreatherinbetween.AndIcan’thelpbutthinkthat’sbeensomethingofaliabilityonmypathtomaturity.

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