Chapter 50

           

           Thenextmorninginmeditation,allmycausticoldhatefulthoughtscomeupagain.I’mstartingtothinkofthemasirritatingtelemarketers,alwayscallingatthemostinopportunemoments.WhatI’malarmedtofindinmeditationisthatmymindisactuallynotthatinterestingaplace,afterall.InactualityIreallyonlythinkaboutafewthings,andIthinkaboutthemconstantly.Ibelievetheofficialtermis"brooding."Ibroodaboutmydivorce,andallthepainofmymarriage,andallthemistakesImade,andallthemistakesmyhusbandmade,andthen(andthere’snoreturnfromthisdarktopic)IstartbroodingaboutDavid…

           Whichisgettingembarrassing,tobequitehonest.Imean-hereIaminthissacredplaceofstudyinthemiddleofIndia,andallIcanthinkaboutismyex-boyfriend?WhatamI,ineighthgrade?

           AndthenIrememberastorymyfriendDeborahthepsychologisttoldmeonce.Backinthe1980s,shewasaskedbythecityofPhiladelphiaifshecouldvolunteertoofferpsychologicalcounselingtoagroupofCambodianrefugees-boatpeople-whohadrecentlyarrivedinthecity.Deborahisanexceptionalpsychologist,butshewasterriblydauntedbythistask.

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