Ешь, молись, люби

Chapter 28

           "

           Iclosedmyeyesandsawmymother,tenyearsoldonthefamilyfarminMinnesota,workinglikeahiredhand,raisingheryoungerbrothers,wearingtheclothesofheroldersister,savingdimestogetherselfoutofthere…

           "AndyouhavetounderstandhowmuchIloveyourfather,"sheconcluded.

           Mymotherhasmadechoicesinherlife,asweallmust,andsheisatpeacewiththem.Icanseeherpeace.Shedidnotcopoutonherself.Thebenefitsofherchoicesaremassive-along,stablemarriagetoamanshestillcallsherbestfriend;afamilythathasextendednowintograndchildrenwhoadoreher;acertaintyinherownstrength.Maybesomethingsweresacrificed,andmydadmadehissacrifices,too-butwhoamongstusliveswithoutsacrifice?

           Andthequestionnowformeis,Whataremychoicestobe?WhatdoIbelievethatIdeserveinthislife?WherecanIacceptsacrifice,andwherecanInot?IthasbeensohardformetoimaginelivingalifewithoutDavidinit.Evenjusttoimaginethattherewillneverbeanotherroadtripwithmyfavoritetravelingcompanion,thatIwillneveragainpullupathiscurbwiththewindowsdownandSpringsteenplayingontheradio,alifetimesupplyofbanterandsnacksbetweenus,andanoceandestinationloomingdownthehighway.ButhowcanIacceptthatblisswhenitcomeswiththisdarkunderside-bone-crushingisolation,corrosiveinsecurity,insidiousresentmentand,ofcourse,thecompletedismantlingofselfthatinevitablyoccurswhenDavidceasestogiveth,andcommencestotakethaway.Ican’tdoitanymore.

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