Ешь, молись, люби

Chapter 28

           SomethingaboutmyrecentjoyinNapleshasmademecertainthatInotonlycanfindhappinesswithoutDavid,butmust.NomatterhowmuchIlovehim(andIdolovehim,instupidexcess),Ihavetosaygoodbyetothispersonnow.AndIhavetomakeitstick.

           SoIwritehimane-mail.

           It’sNovember.Wehaven’thadanycommunicationsinceJuly.I’daskedhimnottogetintouchwithmewhileIwastraveling,knowingthatmyattachmenttohimwassostrongitwouldbeimpossibleformetofocusonmyjourneyifIwerealsotrackinghis.ButnowI’menteringhislifeagainwiththise-mail.

           ItellhimthatIhopehe’swell,andIreportthatIamwell.Imakeafewjokes.Wealwaysweregoodwiththejokes.ThenIexplainthatIthinkweneedtoputanendtothisrelationshipforgood.Thatmaybeit’stimetoadmitthatitwillneverhappen,thatitshouldneverhappen.Thenoteisn’toverlydramatic.Lordknowswe’vehadenoughdramatogetheralready.Ikeepitshortandsimple.Butthere’sonemorethingIneedtoadd.Holdingmybreath,Itype,"Ifyouwanttolookforanotherpartnerinyourlife,ofcourseyouhavenothingbutmyblessings."Myhandsareshaking.Isignoffwithlove,tryingtokeepascheerfulatoneaspossible.

           IfeellikeIjustgothitinthechestwithastick.

           Idon’tsleepmuchthatnight,imagininghimreadingmywords.IrunbacktotheInternetcafeafewtimesthroughoutthenextday,lookingforaresponse.

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