Ешь, молись, люби

Chapter 28

           ItoldherhowmuchIlovedDavid,buthowlonelyandheartsickitmademetobewiththispersonwhowasalwaysdisappearingfromtheroom,fromthebed,fromtheplanet.

           "Hesoundskindoflikeyourfather,"shesaid.Abraveandgenerousadmission.

           "Theproblemis,"Isaid,"I’mnotlikemymother.I’mnotastoughasyou,Mom.There’saconstantlevelofclosenessthatIreallyneedfromthepersonIlove.IwishIcouldbemorelikeyou,thenIcouldhavethislovestorywithDavid.ButitjustdestroysmetonotbeabletocountonthataffectionwhenIneedit."

           Thenmymothershockedme.Shesaid,"Allthosethingsthatyouwantfromyourrelationship,Liz?Ihavealwayswantedthosethings,too."

           Inthatmoment,itwasasifmystrongmotherreachedacrossthetable,openedherfistandfinallyshowedmethehandfulofbulletsshe’dhadtobiteoverthedecadesinordertostayhappilymarried(andsheishappilymarried,allconsiderationsweighed)tomyfather.Ihadneverseenthissideofherbefore,notever.Ihadneverimaginedwhatshemighthavewanted,whatshemighthavebeenmissing,whatshemighthavedecidednottofightforinthelargerschemeofthings.Seeingallthis,Icouldfeelmyworldviewstarttomakearadicalshift.

           IfevenshewantswhatIwant,then…?

           Continuingwiththisunprecedentedstringofintimacies,mymothersaid,"YouhavetounderstandhowlittleIwasraisedtoexpectthatIdeservedinlife,honey.Remember-Icomefromadifferenttimeandplacethanyoudo.

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