Ешь, молись, люби

Chapter 13

           MyshakysenseofdirectionandgeographymeansIhaveexploredsixcontinentsinmylifewithonlythevaguestideaofwhereIamatanygiventime.Asidefrommycockeyedinternalcompass,Ialsohaveashortageofpersonalcoolness,whichcanbealiabilityintravel.Ihaveneverlearnedhowtoarrangemyfaceintothatblankexpressionofcompetentinvisibilitythatissousefulwhentravelingindangerous,foreignplaces.Youknow-thatsuper-relaxed,totally-in-chargeexpressionwhichmakesyoulooklikeyoubelongthere,anywhere,everywhere,eveninthemiddleofariotinJakarta.Oh,no.WhenIdon’tknowwhatI’mdoing,IlooklikeIdon’tknowwhatI’mdoing.WhenI’mexcitedornervous,Ilookexcitedornervous.AndwhenIamlost,whichisfrequently,Ilooklost.Myfaceisatransparenttransmitterofmyeverythought.AsDavidonceputit,"Youhavetheoppositeofpokerface.Youhave,like…miniaturegolfface."

           And,oh,thewoesthattravelinghasinflictedonmydigestivetract!Idon’treallywanttoopenthat(forgivetheexpression)canofworms,butsufficeittosayI’veexperiencedeveryextremeofdigestiveemergency.InLebanonIbecamesoexplosivelyillonenightthatIcouldonlyimagineI’dsomehowcontractedaMiddleEasternversionoftheEbolavirus.InHungary,Isufferedfromanentirelydifferentkindofbowelaffliction,whichchangedforeverthewayIfeelabouttheterm"SovietBloc."ButIhaveotherbodilyweaknesses,too.

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