Ешь, молись, люби

Chapter 107

           Becauseifevenonebrokenandlimitedhumanbeingcouldexperienceevenonesuchepisodeofabsoluteforgivenessandacceptanceofherownself,thenimagine-justimagine!-whatGod,inallHiseternalcompassion,canforgiveandaccept.

           Ialsoknewsomehowthatthisrespiteofpeacewouldbetemporary.IknewthatIwasnotyetfinishedforgood,thatmyanger,mysadnessandmyshamewouldallcreepbackeventually,escapingmyheart,andoccupyingmyheadoncemore.IknewthatIwouldhavetokeepdealingwiththesethoughtsagainandagainuntilIslowlyanddeterminedlychangedmywholelife.Andthatthiswouldbedifficultandexhaustingtodo.Butmyheartsaidtomymindinthedarksilenceofthatbeach:"Iloveyou,Iwillneverleaveyou,Iwillalwaystakecareofyou."ThatpromisefloatedupoutofmyheartandIcaughtitinmymouthandhelditthere,tastingitasIleftthebeachandwalkedbacktothelittleshackwhereIwasstaying.Ifoundanemptynotebook,openedituptothefirstpage-andonlythendidIopenmymouthandspeakthosewordsintotheair,lettingthemfree.IletthosewordsbreakmysilenceandthenIallowedmypenciltodocumenttheircolossalstatementontothepage:"Iloveyou,Iwillneverleaveyou,Iwillalwaystakecareofyou."

           ThosewerethefirstwordsIeverwroteinthatprivatenotebookofmine,whichIwouldcarrywithmefromthatmomentforth,turningbacktoitmanytimesoverthenexttwoyears,alwaysaskingforhelp-andalwaysfindingit,evenwhenIwasmostdeadlysadorafraid

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