Ешь, молись, люби

Chapter 50

           TheseCambodianshadsufferedtheworstofwhathumanscaninflictoneachother-genocide,rape,torture,starvation,themurderoftheirrelativesbeforetheireyes,thenlongyearsinrefugeecampsanddangerousboattripstotheWestwherepeoplediedandcorpseswerefedtosharks-whatcouldDeborahofferthesepeopleintermsofhelp?Howcouldshepossiblyrelatetotheirsuffering?

           "Butdon’tyouknow,"Deborahreportedtome,"whatallthesepeoplewantedtotalkabout,oncetheycouldseeacounselor?"

           Itwasall:ImetthisguywhenIwaslivingintherefugeecamp,andwefellinlove.Ithoughthereallylovedme,butthenwewereseparatedondifferentboats,andhetookupwithmycousin.Nowhe’smarriedtoher,buthesayshereallylovesme,andhekeepscallingme,andIknowIshouldtellhimtogoaway,butIstilllovehimandIcan’tstopthinkingabouthim.AndIdon’tknowwhattodo…

           Thisiswhatwearelike.Collectively,asaspecies,thisisouremotionallandscape.Imetanoldladyonce,almostonehundredyearsold,andshetoldme,"Thereareonlytwoquestionsthathumanbeingshaveeverfoughtover,allthroughhistory.Howmuchdoyouloveme?AndWho’sincharge?"Everythingelseissomehowmanageable.Butthesetwoquestionsofloveandcontrolundousall,tripusupandcausewar,griefandsuffering.Andbothofthem,unfortunately(ormaybeobviously),arewhatI’mdealingwithatthisAshram.WhenIsitinmysilenceandlookatmymind,itisonlyquestionsoflongingandcontrolthatemergetoagitateme,andthisagitationiswhatkeepsmefromevolvingforward.

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