Ешь, молись, люби

Chapter 2

           Hadn’tIwantedthisnicehouse?Hadn’tIlovedit?SowhywasIhauntingitshallseverynightnow,howlinglikeMedea?Wasn’tIproudofallwe’daccumulated-theprestigioushomeintheHudsonValley,theapartmentinManhattan,theeightphonelines,thefriendsandthepicnicsandtheparties,theweekendsspentroamingtheaislesofsomebox-shapedsuperstoreofourchoice,buyingevermoreappliancesoncredit?Ihadactivelyparticipatedineverymomentofthecreationofthislife-sowhydidIfeellikenoneofitresembledme?WhydidIfeelsooverwhelmedwithduty,tiredofbeingtheprimarybreadwinnerandthehousekeeperandthesocialcoordinatorandthedog-walkerandthewifeandthesoon-to-bemother,and-somewhereinmystolenmoments-awriter…?

           Idon’twanttobemarriedanymore.

           Myhusbandwassleepingintheotherroom,inourbed.Iequalpartslovedhimandcouldnotstandhim.Icouldn’twakehimtoshareinmydistress-whatwouldbethepoint?He’dalreadybeenwatchingmefallapartformonthsnow,watchingmebehavelikeamadwoman(webothagreedonthatword),andIonlyexhaustedhim.Webothknewtherewassomethingwrongwithme,andhe’dbeenlosingpatiencewithit.We’dbeenfightingandcrying,andwewerewearyinthatwaythatonlyacouplewhosemarriageiscollapsingcanbeweary.Wehadtheeyesofrefugees.

           ThemanyreasonsIdidn’twanttobethisman’swifeanymorearetoopersonalandtoosadtosharehere.Muchofithadtodowithmyproblems,butagoodportionofourtroubleswererelatedtohisissues,aswell

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