Ешь, молись, люби

Chapter 108

           Inthisrespect,saytheZens,itistheoaktreethatcreatestheveryacornfromwhichitwasborn.

           IthinkaboutthewomanIhavebecomelately,aboutthelifethatIamnowliving,andabouthowmuchIalwayswantedtobethispersonandlivethislife,liberatedfromthefarceofpretendingtobeanyoneotherthanmyself.IthinkofeverythingIenduredbeforegettinghereandwonderifitwasme-Imean,thishappyandbalancedme,whoisnowdozingonthedeckofthissmallIndonesianfishingboat-whopulledtheother,younger,moreconfusedandmorestrugglingmeforwardduringallthosehardyears.Theyoungermewastheacornfullofpotential,butitwastheolderme,thealready-existentoak,whowassayingthewholetime:"Yes-grow!Change!Evolve!Comeandmeetmehere,whereIalreadyexistinwholenessandmaturity!Ineedyoutogrowintome!"Andmaybeitwasthispresentandfullyactualizedmewhowashoveringfouryearsagooverthatyoungmarriedsobbinggirlonthebathroomfloor,andmaybeitwasthismewhowhisperedlovinglyintothatdesperategirl’sear,"Gobacktobed,Liz…"KnowingalreadythateverythingwouldbeOK,thateverythingwouldeventuallybringustogetherhere.Righthere,righttothismoment.WhereIwasalwayswaitinginpeaceandcontentment,alwayswaitingforhertoarriveandjoinme.

           ThenFelipewakesup.We’dbothbeendozinginandoutofconsciousnessallafternoon,curledineachother’sarmsonthedeckofthisIndonesianfisherman’ssailboat.Theoceanhasbeenswayingus,thesunshining.

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