Ешь, молись, люби

Chapter 96

           I’dtoldherthatIthoughtIwantedtoremaincelibateforthiswholeyearoftraveling,butworried,"WhatifImeetsomeoneIreallylike?WhatshouldIdo?ShouldIgettogetherwithhimornot?ShouldImaintainmyautonomy?Ortreatmyselftoaromance?"Mytherapistrepliedwithanindulgentsmile,"Youknow,Liz-allthiscanbediscussedatthetimetheissueactuallyarises,withthepersoninquestion."

           Sohereitallwas-thetime,theplace,theissueandthepersoninquestion.Weproceededtohaveadiscussionabouttheidea,whichcameouteasily,duringourfriendly,linkedarm-in-armwalkbytheocean.Isaid,"Iwouldprobablysayyes,Felipe,undernormalcircumstances.Whatevernormalcircumstancesare…"

           Webothlaughed.ButthenIshowedhimmyhesitation.Whichwasthis-thatasmuchasImightenjoytohavemybodyandheartfoldedandunfoldedforawhileintheexperthandsofanexpatlover,somethingelseinsidemehasputinaseriousrequestthatIdonatetheentiretyofthisyearoftravelingalltomyself.Thatsomevitaltransformationishappeninginmylife,andthistransformationneedstimeandroominordertofinishitsprocessundisturbed.Thatbasically,I’mthecakethatjustcameoutoftheoven,anditstillneedssomemoretimetocoolbeforeitcanbefrosted.Idon’twanttocheatmyselfoutofthisprecioustime.Idon’twanttolosecontrolofmylifeagain.

           OfcourseFelipesaidthatheunderstood,andthatIshoulddowhatever’sbestforme,andthathehopedIwouldforgivehimforbringingupthequestioninthefirstplace.

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