Ешь, молись, люби

Chapter 60

           WhatIhadbeencravingwasaresolution,apeacesummit,fromwhichwecouldemergewithaunitedunderstandingofwhathadoccurredinourmarriage,andamutualforgivenessfortheuglinessofourdivorce.Butmonthsofcounselingandmediationhadonlymadeusmoredividedandlockedourpositionssolid,turningusintotwopeoplewhowereabsolutelyincapableofgivingeachotheranyrelease.Yetit’swhatwebothneeded,Iwassureofit.AndIwassureofthis,too-thattherulesoftranscendenceinsistthatyouwillnotadvanceevenoneinchclosertodivinityaslongasyouclingtoevenonelastseductivethreadofblame.Assmokingistothelungs,soisresentmenttothesoul;evenonepuffofitisbadforyou.Imean,whatkindofprayeristhistoimbibe-"Giveusthisdayourdailygrudge"?YoumightjustaswellhangitupandkissGodgood-byeifyoureallyneedtokeepblamingsomebodyelseforyourownlife’slimitations.SowhatIaskedofGodthatnightontheAshramroofwas-giventherealitythatIwouldprobablyneverspeaktomyex-husbandagain-mighttherebesomeleveluponwhichwecouldcommunicate?Somelevelonwhichwecouldforgive?

           Ilayupthere,highabovetheworld,andIwasallalone.Idroppedintomeditationandwaitedtobetoldwhattodo.Idon’tknowhowmanyminutesorhourspassedbeforeIknewwhattodo.IrealizedI’dbeenthinkingaboutallthistooliterally.I’dbeenwantingtotalktomyex-husband?Sotalktohim.Talktohimrightnow.I’dbeenwaitingtobeofferedforgiveness?Offerituppersonally,then.Rightnow.

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