Ешь, молись, люби

Chapter 5

           Whenthedrugiswithheld,youpromptlyturnsick,crazyanddepleted(nottomentionresentfulofthedealerwhoencouragedthisaddictioninthefirstplacebutwhonowrefusestoponyupthegoodstuffanymore-despitethefactthatyouknowhehasithiddensomewhere,goddamnit,becauseheusedtogiveittoyouforfree).Nextstagefindsyouskinnyandshakinginacorner,certainonlythatyouwouldsellyoursoulorrobyourneighborsjusttohavethatthingevenonemoretime.Meanwhile,theobjectofyouradorationhasnowbecomerepulsedbyyou.Helooksatyoulikeyou’resomeonehe’snevermetbefore,muchlesssomeoneheoncelovedwithhighpassion.Theironyis,youcanhardlyblamehim.Imean,checkyourselfout.You’reapatheticmess,unrecognizableeventoyourowneyes.

           Sothat’sit.Youhavenowreachedinfatuation’sfinaldestination-thecompleteandmercilessdevaluationofself.

           ThefactthatIcanevenwritecalmlyaboutthistodayismightyevidenceoftime’shealingpowers,becauseIdidn’ttakeitwellasitwashappening.TobelosingDavidrightafterthefailureofmymarriage,andrightaftertheterrorizingofmycity,andrightduringtheworstuglinessofdivorce(alifeexperiencemyfriendBrianhascomparedto"havingareallybadcaraccidenteverysingledayforabouttwoyears")…well,thiswassimplytoomuch.

           DavidandIcontinuedtohaveourboutsoffunandcompatibilityduringthedays,butatnight,inhisbed,Ibecametheonlysurvivorofanuclearwinterashevisiblyretreatedfromme,moreeveryday,asthoughIwereinfectious

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