Ешь, молись, люби

Chapter 22

           Andalso,let’sbehonest-itmightbeagenerouspublicserviceformetoleaveintimacyaloneforawhile.WhenIscanbackonmyromanticrecord,itdoesn’tlooksogood.It’sbeenonecatastropheafteranother.HowmanymoredifferenttypesofmencanIkeeptryingtolove,andcontinuetofail?Thinkofitthisway-ifyou’dhadtenserioustrafficaccidentsinarow,wouldn’ttheyeventuallytakeyourdriver’slicenseaway?Wouldn’tyoukindofwantthemto?

           There’safinalreasonI’mhesitanttogetinvolvedwithsomeoneelse.IstillhappentobeinlovewithDavid,andIdon’tthinkthat’sfairtothenextguy.Idon’tevenknowifDavidandIaretotallybrokenupyet.WewerestillhangingaroundeachotheralotbeforeIleftforItaly,thoughwehadn’tslepttogetherinalongtime.Butwewerestilladmittingthatwebothharboredhopesthatmaybesomeday…

           Idon’tknow.

           ThismuchIdoknow-I’mexhaustedbythecumulativeconsequencesofalifetimeofhastychoicesandchaoticpassions.BythetimeIleftforItaly,mybodyandmyspiritweredepleted.Ifeltlikethesoilonsomedesperatesharecropper’sfarm,sorelyoverworkedandneedingafallowseason.Sothat’swhyI’vequit.

           Believeme,IamconsciousoftheironyofgoingtoItalyinpursuitofpleasureduringaperiodofself-imposedcelibacy.ButIdothinkabstinenceistherightthingformeatthemoment.

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