Парфюмер. История одного убийцы

Chapter 39

           Andevenknowingthattopossessthatscenthemustpaytheterriblepriceoflosingitagain,theverypossessionandthelossseemedtohimmoredesirablethanaprosaicrenunciationofboth.Forhehadrenouncedthingsallhislife.Butneveroncehadhepossessedandlost.Graduallythedoubtsrecededandwiththemthechill.Hesensedhowthewarmthofhisbloodrevitalizedhimandhowthewilltodowhathehadintendedtodoagaintookpossessionofhim.Evenmorepowerfullythanbeforeinfact,forthatwillnolongeroriginatedfromsimplelust,butequallyfromawell-considereddecision.Grenouillethetick,presentedthechoicebetweendryingupinsidehimselforlettinghimselfdrop,haddecidedforthelatter,knowingfullwellthatthisdropwouldbehislast.Helaybackonhismakeshiftbed,cozyinhisstraw,cozyunderhisblanket,andthoughthimselfveryheroic.GrenouillewouldnothavebeenGrenouille,however,ifhehadlongbeencontentwithafatalist’sheroicfeelings.Hiswilltosurviveandconquerwastootough,hisnaturetoocunning,hisspirittoocraftyforthat.Fine-hehaddecidedtopossessthescentofthegirlbehindthewall.Andifhelostitagainafterafewweeksanddiedoftheloss,thatwasfinetoo.Butbetteryetwouldbenottodieandstillpossessthescent,oratleasttodelayitslossaslongashumanlypossible.Onesimplyhadtopreserveitbetter.Onemustsubdueitsevanescencewithoutrobbingitofitscharacter-aproblemoftheperfumer’sart.Therearescentsthatlingerfordecades.

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