Волхв

Chapter 76

           Ourinstinctsemergesomuchmorenakedly,ouremotionsandwillsveersomuchmorequickly,thaneverbefore.AyoungVictorianofmyagewouldhavethoughtnothingofwaitingfiftymonths,letalonefiftydays,forhisbeloved;andofneverpermittingasingleunchastethoughttosullyhismind,letaloneanacthisbody.IcouldgetupinayoungVictorianmood;butbymidday,withaprettygirlstandingbesidemeinabookshop,ImighteasilyfindmyselfprayingtotheGodIdidnotbelieveinthatshewouldn’tturnandsmileatme.ThenoneeveninginBayswateragirldidsmile;shedidn’thavetoturn.Itwasinanespressobar,andIhadspentmostofmymealwatchinghertalkingoppositewithafriend;herbarearms,herpromisingbreasts.ShelookedItalian;black-haired,doe-eyed.Herfriendwentoff,andthegirlsatbackandgavemeaverydirect,thoughperfectlynice,smile.Shewasn’tatart;shewasjustsaying,Ifyouwanttostarttalking,comeon.Igotclumsilytomyfeet,andspentanembarrassingminutewaitingattheentranceforthewaitresstocomeandtakemymoney.Myshamefulretreatwaspartlyinspiredbyparanoia.Thegirlandherfriendhadcomeinafterme,andhadsatatatablewhereIcouldn’thelpwatchingthem.Itwasabsurd.Ibegantofeelthateverygirlwhocrossedmypathwashiredtotormentandtestme;IstartedcheckingthroughthewindowbeforeIwentintocoffeebarsandrestaurants,toseeifIcouldgetacornerfreeofsightandsoundofthedreadfulcreatures.

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