Chapter 73

           YeteventhenIknewIwaspretendingtobeangrierthanIreallywas;thatjustasshewastryingtobreakdownmyhostilitybycharm,Iwastryingtobreakdownhercharmbyhostility.Ididn’tintheleastregretbeingungracious,rebuffingherovertures;andImorethanhalfmeant,atthetime,whatIsaidaboutAlison.Becausethiswasnowtheactivemystery:thatIwasnotallowedtomeetAlison.Somethingwasexpectedofme,someOrpheanperformancethatwouldgainmeaccesstotheunderworldwhereshewashidden…orhidingherself.Iwasonprobation.ButnoonegavemeanyrealindicationofwhatIwasmeanttobeproving.IhadapparentlyfoundtheentrancetoTartarus.ButthatbroughtmenonearerEurydice.JustasthethingsLilydeSeitashadtoldmebroughtmenonearerthepermanentmystery:whatvoyage,whatcharts?Myangercarriedmethroughthenextday;butthedayafterthatIwenttoSomersetHouseandfoundthateveryfactLilydeSeitashadgivenmetocheckwastrue,andsomehowthisturnedmyangerintoadepression.ThateveningIranguphernumberinMuchHadham.TheNorwegiangirlansweredthephone."DinsfordHouse.Please,whoisit?"Isaidnothing.Someonemusthavecalled,becauseIheardthegirlsay,"Thereisnoonetoanswer."Thentherecameanothervoice."Hello.Hello."Iputdownthereceiver.Shewasstillthere.Butnothingwouldmakemespeaktoher.Thenextday,thethirdafterthevisit,IspentingettingdrunkandincomposingabitterlettertoAlisoninAustralia.Ihaddecidedthatthatwaswhereshewas.

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