Chapter 76

           AndsoIwaited.Itseemedsadistic,thislastwastelandofdays.ItwasasifConchis,withAlison’sconnivance,proceededbysomeoutmodedVictoriandieteticmoralityonecouldn’thavemorejam,thesweetnessofevents,untiloneatealotmorebread,thedrystodgeoftime.ButIwaslongpastphilosophizing.ThenextweeksconsistedofalongstrugglebetweenmygrowingnotdiminishingimpatienceandthemanneroflifeItookuptodullit.AlmosteverynightIcontrivedtopassthroughRussellSquare,ratherintheway,Isuppose,thatthesailors’wivesandblack-eyedSusanswould,moreoutofboredomthanhope,hauntthequaysinsailingdays.Butmyshipnevershowedalight.TwoorthreetimesIwentouttoMuchHadham,atnight,butthedarknessofDinsfordHousewasascompleteasthedarknessinRussellSquare.Fortherest,Ispenthoursincinemas,hoursreadingbooks,mainlyrubbish,becauseallIrequiredofabookduringthatperiodwasthatitkeptmyminddrugged.IusedtodriveallthroughthenighttoplacesIdidnotwanttogototoOxford,toBrighton,toBath.Theselongdrivescalmedme,asifIwasdoingsomethingconstructivebyracinghardthroughthenight;scorchingthroughsleepingtowns,alwaysturningbackinthesmallhoursanddrivingexhaustedintoLondoninthedawn;thensleepingtillfourorfiveintheafternoon.Itwasnotonlymyboredomthatneededcalming;wellbeforemymeetingswithLilydeSeitasIhadhadanotherproblem.

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