Chapter 32

           Lyinginthesun,ItriedtoclearmymindaboutthetwoLilys.Theideawasclear.Onetwincameclosetome,talkedtome.Shehadascaronherleftwrist.Theotherdidthedoppelgangereffects.Iwouldnevergetclosetoher.Iwouldseeherontheterrace,inthestarlight;butalwaysatadistance.Twinsitwasextraordinary,butIhadbeguntorealizeenoughaboutConchistoseethatitwaspredictable.Ifonewasveryrich…whynottherarest?Whyanythingbutthestrangestandtherarest?ItriedtoclearmymindabouttheLilyIknew,thescar-Lily,andmyself.Thismorning,evenlastnight,shehadsetouttomakeherselfattractivetome;andifshewasreallysimplyConchis’smistress,Icouldn’timaginewhyheshouldallowit,andsoobviouslyleaveusalonetogether,unlesshewasmuchmoreprofoundlypervertedthanIcouldbringmyselfseriouslytosuspect.Insomanyways,itseemedallnomorethanagame.LilygavestronglytheimpressionthatshewasplayingwithmeamusingherselfasmuchasactingaroleatConchis’scommand.Butallgames,eventhemostliteral,betweenamanandawomanareimplicitlysexual;andIwasclearlymeanttofeelthat.Ifitwasherjobtoseduceme,Ishouldbeseduced.Icouldn’tdoanythingaboutit.Iwasasensualist.Iwantedtobeseduced,todrinkthewave.ThenAlison.Hertelegramwaslikegritintheeyewhenoneparticularlywantstoseeclearly.Icouldguesswhathadhappened.

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