Волхв

Chapter 8

           Itwouldvalidateallmycynicism,itwouldproveallmysolitaryselfishness;itwouldstand,andberemembered,asafinaldarkvictory.

           ThedaybeforetermendedIfeltthebalancetip.Iknewwhattodo.Thegatekeeperattheschoolhadanoldtwelve-bore,whichhehadonceofferedtolendmeifIwantedtogoshootinginthehills.Iwenttohimandaskedhimtoletmehaveit.Hewasdelightedandloadedmypocketwithcartridges;thepineforestswerefullofbirds.

           Iwalkedupagalleybehindtheschool,climbedtoasmallsaddle,andwentintothetrees.Iwassooninshadow.Tothenorth,acrossthewater,thegoldenmainlandstilllayinthesun.Theairwasverylight,warm,theskyofanintenseluminousblue.Alongwayaway,aboveme,Icouldhearthebellsofaflockofgoatsbeingbroughtbacktothevillageforthenight.Iwalkedforsometime.Itwaslikelookingforaplacetorelieveoneselfin;IhadtobesureIcouldn’tbeobserved.AtlastIfoundarockyhollow.

           Iputacartridgeinthegun,andsatontheground,againstthestemofapinetree.Allaroundmebluegrape-hyacinthspushedthroughthepineneedles.Ireversedthegunandlookeddownthebarrel,intotheblackoofmynonexistence.IcalculatedtheangleatwhichIshouldhavetoholdmyhead.Iheldthebarrelagainstmyrighteye,turnedmyheadsothattheshotwouldmashlikeblacklightningthroughthebrainandblastthebackwallofmyskulloff.Ireachedforthetriggerthiswasalltesting,allrehearsingandfounditdifficulttoreach.

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