Волхв

Chapter 7

           Asitwas,Isentherapostcardtellinghernothing;andonthelastdayIwentbacktothebrothelalone.ButtheLebanesenymphetIcovetedwastakenandIdidn’tfancytheothers.

           Decembercame,andwewerestillwritingletters.Iknewshewashidingthingsfromme.Herlife,asshedescribedit,wastoosimpleandmanlesstobetrue.Whenthefinallettercame,Iwasnotsurprised.WhatIhadn’texpectedwashowbitterIshouldfeel,andhowbetrayed.ItwaslessasexualjealousyofthemanthananenvyofAlison;momentsoftendernessandtogetherness,momentswhentheothernessoftheotherdisappearedfloodedbackthroughmymindfordaysafterwards,likesequencesfromsomecheapromanticfilmthatIcertainlydidn’twanttoremember,butdid;andtherewasthereadandrereadletter;andthatsuchthingscouldbeendedso,bytwohundredstale,wornwords.

           

           DEARNICHOLAS,

           

           Ican’tgoonanymore.I’msoterriblyterriblysorryifthishurtsyou.PleasebelievethatI’msorry,pleasedon’tbeangrywithmeforknowingyouwillbehurt.Icanseeyousaying,I’mnothurt.

           Igotsoterriblylonelyanddepressed.Ihaven’ttoldyouhowmuch,Ican’ttellyouhowmuch.ThosefirstdaysIkeptupsuchabravefrontatwork,andthenathomeIcollapsed.

           I’msleepingwithPeteagainwhenhe’sinLondon.Itstartedtwoweeksago.PleasepleasebelievemethatIwouldn’tbeifIthought…youknow.Iknowyouknow.Idon’tfeelabouthimasIusedtodo,anddon’tbegintofeelabouthimasIfeltaboutyou,youcan’tbejealous

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