Волхв

Chapter 53

           ThefreedomtoconfrontaprimitiveGodatSeidevarre.Thefreedomtodisembowelpeasantgirlsandcastratewithwirecutters.Imeanhewassomethingthatpassedbeyondmoralitybutsprangoutoftheveryessenceofthingsthatcomprehendedall,thefreedomtodoall,andstoodagainstonlyonethingtheprohibitionnottodoall."Allthistakesmanywordstosaytoyou.AndIhavesaidnothingabouthowIfeltthisimmalleability,thisrefusaltocohere,wasessentiallyGreek.Thatis,IfinallyassumedmyGreekness.AllIsawIsawinamatterofseconds,perhapsnotintimeatall.IsawthatIwastheonlypersonleftinthatsquarewhohadthefreedomlefttochoose,andthattheannunciationanddefenseofthatfreedomwasmoreimportantthancommonsense,self-preservation,yes,thanmyownlife,thanthelivesoftheeightyhostages.Againandagain,sincethen,thoseeightymenhaveriseninthenightandaccusedme.YoumustrememberthatIwascertainIwasgoingtodietoo.ButallIhavetosetagainsttheircrucifiedfacesarethosefewtranscendentsecondsofknowledge.Butknowledgelikeawhiteheat.MyreasonhasrepeatedlytoldmeIwaswrong.YetmytotalbeingstilltellsmeIwasright."IstoodthereperhapsfifteensecondsIcouldnottellyou,timemeansnothinginsuchsituationsandthenIdroppedthegunandsteppedbesidetheguerrillaleader.Isawthecolonelwatchingme,andIsaid,forhimandsoalsofortheremnantofamanbesidemetohear,theonewordthatremainedtobesaid

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