Волхв

Chapter 36

           Ibegantogetasenseofprogress,thatIwastransforming,asafountaininawindistransformedinshape;aneddyinthewater.Thewindandthelightbecamemeresecondaries,roadstothepresentstate,thisstatewithoutdimensionsorsensations;awarenessofpurebeing.Orperhapsthatisasolipsism;itwassimplyapureawareness.Thatlasted;andthenchanged,liketheotherstates.Thisstatewasbeingimposedonmefromoutside,Iknewthis,Iknewthatalthoughitdidnotflowinonmelikethewindandthelight,itneverthelessflowed,thoughflowedwasnottheword.Therewasnoword,itarrived,descended,penetratedfromoutside.Itwasnotanimmanentstate,itwasaconferredstate,apresentedstate.Iwasarecipient.Butonceagaintherecamethisstrangesurprisethattheemittersstoodallaroundme.Iwasnotreceivingfromanyonedirection,butfromalldirections.Thoughonceagain,directionistoophysicalaword.Iwashavingfeelingsthatnolanguagebasedonconcretephysicalobjects,onactualfeeling,candescribe.IthinkIwasawareofthemetaphoricalityofwhatIfelt.Iknewwordswerelikechains,theyheldmeback;andlikewallswithholesinthem.Realitykeptrushingthrough;andyetIcouldnotgetouttofullyexistinit.ThisisinterpretingwhatIstruggledtorememberfeeling;theactofdescriptiontaintsthedescription.

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