Волхв

Chapter 1

           Therewerethings,acertainemotionalgentlenessinmymother,anoccasionaleuphoricjollinessinmyfather,Icouldhavebornemoreof;butalwaysIlikedinthemthethingstheydidn’twanttobelikedfor.BythetimeIwaseighteenandHitlerwasdeadtheyhadbecomemereproviders,forwhomIhadtoexhibitatokengratitude,butforwhomIcouldn’tfeelmuchelse.

           Iledtwolives.AtschoolIgotasmallreputationasawartimeaestheteandcynic.ButIhadtojointheregimentTraditionandSacrificepressgangedmeintothat.Iinsisted,andluckilytheheadmasterofmyschoolbackedme,thatIwantedtogotouniversityafterwards.IwentonleadingadoublelifeintheArmy,queasilyplayingatbeingBrigadier"Blazer"Urfe’ssoninpublic,andnervouslyreadingPenguinNewWritingandpoetrypamphletsinprivate.AssoonasIcould,Igotmyselfdemobilized.

           IwenttoOxfordin1948.InmysecondyearatMagdalen,soonafteralongvacationduringwhichIhardlysawthem,myfatherhadtoflyouttoIndia.Hetookmymotherwithhim.Theirplanecrashed,ahigh-octanepyre,inathunderstormsomefortymileseastofKarachi.AfterthefirstshockIfeltanalmostimmediatesenseofrelief,offreedom.Myonlyothercloserelation,mymother’sbrother,farmedinRhodesia,soInowhadnofamilytotrammelwhatIregardedasmyrealself.Imayhavebeenweakonfilialcharity,butIwasstrongonthedisciplineinvogue.

           Atleast,alongwithagroupoffellowoddmenoutatMagdalen,IthoughtIwasstronginthediscipline.

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