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Chapter 13

           Nottime,nothappiness,notfun,notchildren,notahouse,notabathroom,notacleanpairofpajamas,notthemorningpaper,nottowakeuptogether,nottowakeandknowshe’sthereandthatyou’renotalone.No.Noneofthat.Butwhy,whenthisisallyouaregoingtogetinlifeofwhatyouwant;whenyouhavefoundit;whynotjustonenightinabedwithsheets?

           Youaskfortheimpossible.Youaskfortheruddyimpossible.Soifyoulovethisgirlasmuchasyousayyoudo,youhadbetterloveherveryhardandmakeupinintensitywhattherelationwilllackindurationandincontinuity.Doyouhearthat?Intheolddayspeopledevotedalifetimetoit.Andnowwhenyouhavefounditifyougettwonightsyouwonderwherealltheluckcamefrom.Twonights.Twonightstolove,honorandcherish.Forbetterandforworse.Insicknessandindeath.Nothatwasn’tit.Insicknessandinhealth.Tilldeathdouspart.Intwonights.Muchmorethanlikely.Muchmorethanlikelyandnowlayoffthatsortofthinking.Youcanstopthatnow.That’snotgoodforyou.Donothingthatisnotgoodforyou.Surethat’sit.

           ThiswaswhatGolzhadtalkedabout.Thelongerhewasaround,thesmarterGolzseemed.Sothiswaswhathewasaskingabout;thecompensationofirregularservice.HadGolzhadthisandwasittheurgencyandthelackoftimeandthecircumstancesthatmadeit?Wasthissomethingthathappenedtoeveryonegivencomparablecircumstances?Anddidheonlythinkitwassomethingspecialbecauseitwashappeningtohim?HadGolzsleptaroundinahurrywhenhewascommandingirregularcavalryintheRedArmyandhadthecombinationofthecircumstancesandtherestofitmadethegirlsseemthewayMariawas?

           ProbablyGolzknewallaboutthistooandwantedtomakethepointthatyoumustmakeyourwholelifeinthetwonightsthataregiventoyou;thatlivingaswedonowyoumustconcentrateallofthatwhichyoushouldalwayshaveintotheshorttimethatyoucanhaveit.

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