Волхв

Chapter 73

           Itwaspasty,bloated,withtheeyespermanentlynarrowedagainsttobaccosmoke;somehowlikeamaskinaNohplay,whichinanoddwaysuitedtheCockneyresonancesthatloiteredinhervoiceandthehardanti-sentimentalitysheaffected.Butnow,inwhatwasforheranextraordinarygestureofaffection,shereachedacrossthetableandpattedmyhand.Shewas,Iknew,fiveyearsyoungerthanLilydeSeitas;andyetshelookedtenyearsolder.Shewasbyordinarystandardsfoulmouthed;ablatantmemberofwhathadbeenmyfather’smosthatedregiment,oneheusedtoconsignfarlowereventhantheDamnedSocialistsandtheBlastedWhitehallAiryFairiestheLonghairedBrigade.Ihadamoment’svisionofhisstanding,hisaggressiveblueeyes,hisbushycolonel’smoustache,inthedoorofthestudio;theunmadedivan,thestinkingoldrustyoilstove,themessonthetable,thegarishsexual-fetalabstractoilsthatlitteredthewalls;atatofoldpottery,oldclothes,oldnewspapers.Butinthatshortgestureofhers,andthelookthataccompaniedit,IknewtherewasmorerealhumanitythanIhadeverknowninmyownhome.Yetstillthathome,thoseyears,governedme;Ihadtorepressthenaturalresponse.OureyesmetacrossagapIcouldnotbridge;herofferofaroughtemporarymotherhood,myffighttowhatIhadtobe,thelonelyson.Shewithdrewherhand.Isaid,"It’stoocomplicated.""I’vegotallday."Herfacepeeredatmethroughthebluesmoke,andsuddenlyitseemedasblank,asmenacing,asaninterrogator’s.

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