Волхв

Chapter 61

           NowweaskyoutodoastheRomanemperorsdidandtoraiseorloweryourrightthumb.Ifyoulowerit,youwillbereleasedandfreetocarryoutthepunishmentasseverelyandbrutallyasyouwish,uptotenstrokes.Thatissufficienttoensurethemostatrocioussuffering,andpermanentdisfigurement.Ifyouraiseyourthumbinthesignofmercy,youwill,apartfromonelastshortprocessofdisintoxication,befreeofusforevermore.Youwillequallybefreeifyouchoosetopunish,whichwillalsodemonstratethesatisfactorycompletionofyourdisintoxication.NowIaskonelastthingofyou:thatyouthinkcarefullybeforeyouchoose."Atsomeunseensignalthe"students"allrose.Everyoneintheroomstaredatme.IwasawarethatIwantedtomakearightchoice;somethingthatwouldmakethemallrememberme,thatwouldprovethemallwrong.Thecharade,themasque,hadbecomeasituationinwhichIwasfullyinvolved.IknewIwasjudgeonlyinname.Likealljudges,Iwasfinallythejudged;tobejudgedbymyownjudgment.Isawatoncethatthechoicetheywereofferingmewasabsurd.EverythingwasfixedtomakeitimpossibleformetopunishLily.TheonlypunishmentIwantedtoinflictonherwastomakehercryforgiveness;notcrypain.InanycaseIknewthatevenifIputmythumbdown,theywouldfindsomewayofstoppingme.Thewholesituation,withallallitsgratuitouslysadisticundertones,wasatrap;afalsedilemma.

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