Волхв

Chapter 8

           Ioftenstartedoffonawalkoutofsheerboredom,buttherewerealwaysnewsolitudes,newplaces.Yetintheendthisunflawednaturalworldbecameintimidating.Iseemedtohavenoplaceinit,IcouldnotuseitandIwasnotmadeforit.Iwasatownsman;andIwasrootless.Irejectedmyownage,yetcouldnotsinkbackintoanolder.SoIendedlikeSciron,amid-airman.

           TheChristmasholidayscame.IwentofftotravelaroundthePeloponnesus.Ihadtobealone,togivemyselfasnatchoflifeawayfromtheschool.IfAlisonhadbeenfree,IwouldhaveflownbacktoEnglandtomeether.Ihadthoughtsofresigning;butthenthatseemedaretreat,anotherfailure,andItoldmyselfthatthingswouldbebetteroncespringbegan.SoIhadChristmasaloneinSpartaandIsawtheNewYearinaloneinPyrgos.IhadadayinAthensbeforeIcaughttheboatbacktoPhraxos,andvisitedthebrothelagain.

           IthoughtverylittleaboutAlison,butIfeltabouther;thatis,Itriedtoeraseher,andfailed.IhaddayswhenIthoughtIcouldstaycelibatefortherestofmylifemonasticdays;anddayswhenIachedforaconversablegirl.TheislandwomenwereofAlbanianstock,dourandsallow-faced,andaboutasseducibleasaFreeChurchcongregation.Muchmoretemptingweresomeoftheboys,possessorsofanolivegraceandasharpindividualitythatmadethemverydifferentfromtheirstereotypedEnglishprivateschoolequivalentsthoseuniformedpinktermitesoutoftheArnoldmould.

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