Волхв

Chapter 54

           Ithoughtagain,inthegraysilencesofthenight,notofJulie,butofAlison.Staringouttosea,Iforcedmyselftothinkofhernotassomeonedoingsomethingatthatmoment,sleepingorbreathingorworking,somewhere,butasashovelfulofashes,afutility,adescentoutofreality,adroppingobjectthatdwindled,dwindled,leftnothingbehindexceptasmudgelikeafallenspeckofsootonpaper.Assomethingtoosmalltomourn;theveryword"mourn"wasarchaicandsuperstitious,oftheageofBrowne,orHervey;yetDonnewasright,herdeathdetracted,wouldforeverdetract,frommylife.Eachdeathlaidadreadfulchargeofcomplicityontheliving;eachdeathwasincongenerous,itsguiltirreducible,itssadnessimmortal;abraceletofbrighthairaboutthebone.Ididnotprayforher,becauseprayerhasnoefficacy;Ididnotcryforher,becauseonlyextrovertscrytwice;Isatinthesilenceofthatnight,thatinfinitehostilitytoman,topermanence,tolove,rememberingher,rememberingher.

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