Волхв

Chapter 42

           Ican’tjustthrowitinthedustbin.""Soyouthrowmeinstead."Iwentbehindhertotrytoputmyhandsonhershoulders,butshejerkedangrilyaway."Fuckoff.Justfuckoff."Isatonthebedandlitacigarette.DowninthestreetmonotonousMacedonianfolkmusicskirledfromsomecaféloudspeaker;butwesatandstoodinastrangecocoonofremotenessfromeventhenearestoutsidethings."IcametoAthensknowingIoughtnottomeetyou.IdidmydamnedestthatfirsteveningandyesterdaytoprovetomyselfthatIdon’thaveanyspecialfeelingforyouanymore.Butitdidn’twork.That’swhyItalked.Soineptly.Soatthewrongtime."Shegavenosignoflistening;Iproducedmytrump."TalkedwhenIcouldhavekeptquiet.Couldstillbedeceivingyou.""I’mnottheonewho’sdeceived.""Look""Andwhatthehelldoes’specialfeeling’mean?"Iwassilent."Christ,you’renotjustafraidofthethinglove.You’reevenafraidofusingthebloodywordnow.""Idon’tknowwhatloveis."Shespunround."Wellletmetellyou.Loveisn’tjustwhatIsaiditwasinthatletter.Notturningbacktolook.LoveispretendingtogotoworkbutgoingtoVictoria.Togiveyouonelastsurprise,onelastkiss,onelast…itdoesn’tmatter,Isawyoubuyingmagazines.ThatmorningIcouldn’thavelaughedwithanyoneintheworld.Andyetyoulaughed.Youfuckingwellstoodwithaporterandlaughedaboutsomething.That’swhenIfoundoutwhatlovewas.Seeingtheonepersonyouwanttolivewithhappytohaveescapedfromyou.

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