Волхв

Chapter 37

           Ihadalwaysbelieved,andnotonlyoutofcynicism,thatamanandawomancouldtellinthefirsttenminuteswhethertheywantedtogotobedtogether;andthatthetimethatpassedafterthosefirsttenminutesrepresentedatax,whichmightbeworthpayingifthearticlepromisedtobereallyenjoyable,butwhichninetimesoutoftenbecamerapidlyexcessive.Itwasn’tonlythatIforesawaverysteepbillwithLily;sheshookmywholetheory.Shehadacertainexhalationofsurrenderabouther,asifshewasadoorwaitingtobepushedopen;butitwasthedarknessbeyondthatheldme.PerhapsitwaspartlyanostalgiaforthatextinctLawrentianwomanofthepast,thewomaninferiortomanineverythingbutthatonegreatpoweroffemaledarkmysteryandbeauty:thebrilliant,virilemaleandthedark,swooningfemale.Theessencesofthetwosexeshadbecomesoconfusedinmyandrogynoustwentieth-centurymindthatthisreversiontoasituationwhereawomanwasawomanandIwasobligedtobefullyamanhadallthefascinationofanoldhouseafteracramped,anonymousmodernflat.Ihadbeenenchantedintowantingsexoftenenoughbefore;butneverintowantinglove.AllthatmorningIsatinclasses,teachingasifIwasstillhypnotized,inadreamofhypotheses.NowIsawConchisasasortofnovelistsansnovel,creatingwithpeople,notwords;nowIsawhimasacomplicatedbutstillverydirtyoldman;nowasaSvengali;nowasageniusamongpracticaljokers.

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