Волхв

Chapter 24

           ThatshesawherselfnotasIsomuchwanted,asmyangelofforgiveness,butasmyangelofsalvation.Shebeggedmetogoback.ShethoughtIwouldbespirituallydeaduntilIdid.Againandagainsheusedtheword’resurrected.’Andagainandagain,onmyside,Iwantedtoknowwhatwouldhappentous.Andfinallyshesaid,thiswasherjudgment,thatthepriceofherlovewasthatIshouldreturntothefrontnotforher,butformyself.Tofindmytrueselfagain.Andthattherealityofherlovewasasithadbeeninthewood:sheshouldnevermarryanyoneelse,whateverhappened."Intheendweweresilent.Youwillhaveunderstood.Loveisthemysterybetweentwopeople,nottheidentity.Wewereattheoppositepolesofhumanity.Lilywashumanityboundtoduty,unabletochoose,suffering,atthemercyofsocialideals.Humanitybothcrucifiedandmarchingtowardsthecross.AndIwasfree,IwasPeterthreetimestorenouncedeterminedtosurvive,whateverthecost.Istillseeherface.Herfacestaring,staringintothedarknessasifshewastryingtogazeherselfintoanotherworld.Itwasasifwewerelockedinatorturechamber.Stillinlove,yetchainedtooppositewalls,facingeachotherforeternityandforeternityunabletotouch."Ofcourse,asmenalwayswill,Itriedtoextractsomehopefromher.Thatshewouldwaitforme,notjudgemetooquickly…suchthings.Butshestoppedmewithalook.AlookIshallneverforget,becauseitwasalmostoneofhatred,andhatredinherfacewaslikespiteintheVirginMary’s.

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