Волхв

Chapter 19

           Noonecanhaveslept.Itwasverycold,andfireswereforbidden.Myrealselfbegantoappear,Ibegantobeafraid.ButItoldmyselfthatifIwasevertobereallyfrightened,Ishouldhaveknownitbeforethen.ThisiswhatIhadwilledtoexecute.Thatishowwarcorruptsus.Itplaysonourprideinourownfreewill."Beforedawnwefiledforwardslowly,manystops,totheassaultpositions.IoverheardMontaguetalkingwithastaffofficer.TheentireFirstArmy,Haig’s,wasengaged,withtheSecondinsupport.Andthereseemedtomeasafety,akindofwarmthinsuchnumbers.Butthenweenteredthetrenches.Theterribletrenches,withtheirstenchoftheurinal.Andthenthefirstshellsfellnearus.Iwassoinnocentthatinspiteofourso-calledtraining,ofallthepropaganda,Ihadneverreallybeenabletobelievethatsomeonemightwanttokillme.Weweretoldtohaltandstandagainstthewalls.Theshellshissed,whined,crashed.Thensilence.Thenasplatteroffallingclods.Andshivering,Iawokefrommylongsleep."IthinkthefirstthingIsawwastheisolationofeach.Itisnotthestateofwarthatisolates.Itiswellknown,itbringspeopletogether.Butthebattlefieldthatissomethingdifferent.Becausethatiswhentherealenemy,death,appears.Inolongersawanywarmthinnumbers.IsawonlyThanatosinthem,mydeath.Andjustasmuchinmyowncomrades,inMontague,asintheinvisibleGermans."Themadnessofit,Nicholas.

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