Волхв

Chapter 18

           Ihadalltheusualnotionsofthetimeaboutthenobilityofchastity.ButIwasnotcompletelyEnglish."TherewasoPappousmygrandfatherreallymymother’suncle.HehadbecomeanaturalizedEnglishman,buthenevercarriedhisanglophiliatothepointofbeingpuritan,orevenrespectable.Hewasnot,Ithink,averywickedoldman.WhatIknewofhimcorruptedmefarlessthanthefalseideasIconceived.IalwaysspokewithhiminGreek,andasyouperhapsrealizeGreekisanaturallysensualanduneuphemisticlanguage.IsurreptitiouslyreadcertainbooksIfoundonhisshelves.IsawLaVieParisienne.Icameonedayonafolderfulloftintedengravings.AndsoIbegantohaveeroticdaydreams.ThedemureLilyinherstrawhat,ahatIcoulddescribetoyounow,still,aswellasifIhadithereinfrontofme,thecrownswathedinapaletullethecolorofasummerhaze…inalong-sleeved,high-necked,pink-and-whitestripedblouse…adarkbluehobbleskirt,besidewhomIwalkedacrossRegent’sParkinthespringof1914.TheentrancedgirlIstoodbehindinthegalleryatCoventGardeninJune,nearlyfaintingintheheatsuchasummer,thatyeartohearChaliapininPrinceIgor…Lilyshebecameinmymindatnighttheabandonedyoungprostitute.IthoughtIwasveryabnormaltohavecreatedthissecondLilyfromtherealone.IwasbitterlyashamedagainofmyGreekblood.Yetpossessedbyit.Iblamedeverythingonthat,andmymothersuffered,poorwoman.

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