Уловка 22

Lieutenant Scheisskopf

           LieutenantScheisskopfunveiledhisepochalsurprisethatSundaywithalltheaplombofanexperiencedimpresario.Hesaidnothingwhiletheothersquadronsambledpastthereviewingstandcrookedlyintheircustomarymanner.Hegavenosignevenwhenthefirstranksofhisownsquadronhoveintosightwiththeirswinglessmarchingandthefirststrickengaspsofalarmwerehissingfromhisstartledfellowofficers.Heheldbackeventhenuntilthebloatedcolonelwiththebigfatmustachewhirleduponhimsavagelywithapurplingface,andthenheofferedtheexplanationthatmadehimimmortal.

           "Look,Colonel,"heannounced."Nohands."

           Andtoanaudiencestilledwithawe,hedistributedcertifiedphotostaticcopiesoftheobscureregulationonwhichhehadbuilthisunforgettabletriumph.ThiswasLieutenantScheisskopf’sfinesthour.Hewontheparade,ofcourse,handsdown,obtainingpermanentpossessionoftheredpennantandendingtheSundayparadesaltogether,sincegoodredpennantswereashardtocomebyinwartimeasgoodcopperwire.LieutenantScheisskopfwasmadeFirstLieutenantScheisskopfonthespotandbeganhisrapidrisethroughtheranks.Therewerefewwhodidnothailhimasatruemilitarygeniusforhisimportantdiscovery.

           "ThatLieutenantScheisskopf,"LieutenantTraversremarked."He’samilitarygenius."

           "Yes,hereallyis,"LieutenantEngleagreed."It’sapitytheschmuckwon’twhiphiswife."

           "Idon’tseewhatthathastodowithit,"LieutenantTraversansweredcoolly.

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