Piltchard & Wren

           CaptainPiltchardandCaptainWren,theinoffensivejointsquadronoperationsofficers,werebothmild,soft-spokenmenoflessthanmiddleheightwhoenjoyedflyingcombatmissionsandbeggednothingmoreoflifeandColonelCathcartthantheopportunitytocontinueflyingthem.Theyhadflownhundredsofcombatmissionsandwantedtoflyhundredsmore.Theyassignedthemselvestoeveryone.Nothingsowonderfulaswarhadeverhappenedtothembefore;andtheywereafraiditmightneverhappentothemagain.Theyconductedtheirdutieshumblyandreticently,withaminimumoffuss,andwenttogreatlengthsnottoantagonizeanyone.Theysmiledquicklyateveryonetheypassed.Whentheyspoke,theymumbled.Theywereshifty,cheerful,subservientmenwhowerecomfortableonlywitheachotherandnevermetanyoneelse’seye,notevenYossarian’seyeattheopen-airmeetingtheycalledtoreprimandhimpubliclyformakingKidSampsonturnbackfromthemissiontoBologna.

           "Fellas,"saidCaptainPiltchard,whohadthinningdarkhairandsmiledawkwardly."Whenyouturnbackfromamission,trytomakesureit’sforsomethingimportant,willyou?Notforsomethingunimportant...likeadefectiveintercom...orsomethinglikethat.Okay?CaptainWrenhasmorehewantstosaytoyouonthatsubject."

           "CaptainPiltchard’sright,fellas,"saidCaptainWren."Andthat’sallI’mgoingtosaytoyouonthatsubject.Well,wefinallygottoBolognatoday,andwefoundoutit’samilkrun.

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