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XLVI. The Gurgoyle: Its Doings

           Hesethisteethclosely,andhiscompressedlipsmovedasthoseofoneingreatpain.Thissingularaccident,byastrangeconfluenceofemotionsinhim,wasfeltasthesharpeststingofall.Troy’sfacewasveryexpressive,andanyobserverwhohadseenhimnowwouldhardlyhavebelievedhimtobeamanwhohadlaughed,andsung,andpouredlove-triflesintoawoman’sear.Tocursehismiserablelotwasatfirsthisimpulse,buteventhatloweststageofrebellionneededanactivitywhoseabsencewasnecessarilyantecedenttotheexistenceofthemorbidmiserywhichwrunghim.Thesight,comingasitdid,superimposedupontheotherdarksceneryofthepreviousdays,formedasortofclimaxtothewholepanorama,anditwasmorethanhecouldendure.Sanguinebynature,Troyhadapowerofeludinggriefbysimplyadjourningit.Hecouldputofftheconsiderationofanyparticularspectretillthematterhadbecomeoldandsoftenedbytime.TheplantingofflowersonFanny’sgravehadbeenperhapsbutaspeciesofelusionoftheprimarygrief,andnowitwasasifhisintentionhadbeenknownandcircumvented.

           Almostforthefirsttimeinhislife,Troy,ashestoodbythisdismantledgrave,wishedhimselfanotherman.Itisseldomthatapersonwithmuchanimalspiritdoesnotfeelthatthefactofhislifebeinghisownistheonequalificationwhichsinglesitoutasamorehopefullifethanthatofotherswhomayactuallyresemblehimineveryparticular.

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