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XVIII. Boldwood in Meditation—Regret

           Hepassedbywithanutterandoverwhelmingsensationofignorance,shyness,anddoubt.Perhapsinhermannerthereweresignsthatshewishedtoseehimperhapsnothecouldnotreadawoman.Thecabalaofthiseroticphilosophyseemedtoconsistofthesubtlestmeaningsexpressedinmisleadingways.Everyturn,look,word,andaccentcontainedamysteryquitedistinctfromitsobviousimport,andnotonehadeverbeenponderedbyhimuntilnow.

           AsforBathsheba,shewasnotdeceivedintothebeliefthatFarmerBoldwoodhadwalkedbyonbusinessorinidleness.Shecollectedtheprobabilitiesofthecase,andconcludedthatshewasherselfresponsibleforBoldwood’sappearancethere.Ittroubledhermuchtoseewhatagreatflamealittlewildfirewaslikelytokindle.Bathshebawasnoschemerformarriage,norwasshedeliberatelyatriflerwiththeaffectionsofmen,andacensor’sexperienceonseeinganactualflirtafterobservingherwouldhavebeenafeelingofsurprisethatBathshebacouldbesodifferentfromsuchaone,andyetsolikewhataflirtissupposedtobe.

           Sheresolvedneveragain,bylookorbysign,tointerruptthesteadyflowofthisman’slife.Butaresolutiontoavoidanevilisseldomframedtilltheevilissofaradvancedastomakeavoidanceimpossible.

           

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