Absence

           Itwasalongandgloomynightthatgatheredonme,hauntedbytheghostsofmanyhopes,ofmanydearremembrances,manyerrors,manyunavailingsorrowsandregrets.

           IwentawayfromEngland;notknowing,eventhen,howgreattheshockwas,thatIhadtobear.Ileftallwhoweredeartome,andwentaway;andbelievedthatIhadborneit,anditwaspast.Asamanuponafieldofbattlewillreceiveamortalhurt,andscarcelyknowthatheisstruck,soI,whenIwasleftalonewithmyundisciplinedheart,hadnoconceptionofthewoundwithwhichithadtostrive.

           Theknowledgecameuponme,notquickly,butlittlebylittle,andgrainbygrain.ThedesolatefeelingwithwhichIwentabroad,deepenedandwidenedhourly.Atfirstitwasaheavysenseoflossandsorrow,whereinIcoulddistinguishlittleelse.Byimperceptibledegrees,itbecameahopelessconsciousnessofallthatIhadlostlove,friendship,interest;ofallthathadbeenshatteredmyfirsttrust,myfirstaffection,thewholeairycastleofmylife;ofallthatremainedaruinedblankandwaste,lyingwidearoundme,unbroken,tothedarkhorizon.

           Ifmygriefwereselfish,Ididnotknowittobeso.Imournedformychild-wife,takenfromherbloomingworld,soyoung.Imournedforhimwhomighthavewontheloveandadmirationofthousands,ashehadwonminelongago.

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Roboto Lora
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